Lifted up with the Prayers from your Hearts!!

On October 7th I had surgery for the breast cancer that I was diagnosed with mid-July of this year.

The week leading up to surgery, I experienced a real shift with my energy in the sense that I felt an overwhelming calm, peace and joy. I was confident, grounded and so much happier. I was so grateful to be in that amazing healing energy that was just flowing through me. It felt like I had experienced a miracle that week.

I was “Lifted up with the Prayers from your Hearts!!”

So many people who were praying for me. So many moments throughout the day I would just pause, pray and express gratitude for the beautiful healing energy that I was experiencing. It was just flowing everywhere with me.

lifted up in prayers

God was at the top of my to-do list a lot more. But not from a place of fear, but mostly from a place of gratitude for the changes I was experiencing. I was often asking Him for guidance for this healing journey through cancer that I was on.

With every little change I saw, I said Thank you!!! With every challenge, I tried to say Thank you… please show me the way.

The more I expressed gratitude… and the more I prayed… the more my energy and vibration got higher. It felt that I was doing something right. The day before my surgery I posted the following on my Facebook wall…

I couldn’t believe that I was feeling this way the day before surgery about 16 hours before I was due to be wheeled into the operating room. But this was for real.

The day before surgery I went for a massage at OICC (Ottawa Integrative Cancer Centre). I had purposefully planned that massage for the day. I left there to go to the hospital for my appointment at the Nuclear Medicine department. While waiting in the sitting room for the nurse to come and get me, I could see the room where I’d have to go and what I saw looked very similar to an MRI machine. I thought oh no!! For a moment only fear wanted to take over… but I quickly turned to prayer instead, asking God and the Angels to get me through this test with ease. Turned out I had to lay down on my back which was much easier. After every little test they did, I had to lay there for 10 minutes or so and waited. I requested to be pushed out of the machine so I wouldn’t feel claustrophobic, and it went very well. I was in town with my daughter that day, and I found myself to be laughing and joking a lot. Then I thought oh, oh!! In the past when I would laugh too much one day, the next day I would cry. I set the intention that this laughter and joking would get carried into my surgery day.

The next morning I had to be at the hospital for 9 am. My husband was driving me. Shortly after we left home, he tells me he’s having one of his swelling reactions on his cheek. I told him: well we are going to the right place at least… if he needed medical help.

I prayed that he be taken care of… so I could focus on myself that day.

The days and weeks leading up to surgery, I prayed more than ever. I also used Reiki to send healing light to the surgical and medical team and the hospital experience I would be going through. I sent distant Reiki to the tumour and lymph nodes that would be removed as I visualized it going to be tested and coming back with awesome results. I sent Reiki to myself often and also used it daily after as part of my recovery. I talked to my body, told it what would be happening and thanked it for undergoing this ordeal for me so that my health could be restored. I explained to my body what would happen and told it that I would never take it for granted ever again and how self-care and self-love were going to be a bigger part of my life from now on. I visualized Reiki and Karuna symbols, as well as beams of healing light bringing in healing that was for my highest good. In the surgery room I invited God, my inner healer, my higher self, my guides, my Angels, and my whole spiritual team… and there are lots of those I always call upon for help. I visualized God right there with the surgeon and her team, working through them wherever it was needed. I invited a rainbow of colours to surround my body, many layers, including the pure while healing light. I set an intention that all would go according to God’s plan that day. It felt good knowing I was able to do all of this, then let go and trust that what needed to happen would.

When we arrived at the hospital in the day surgery unit, I registered and the nurse told me we’ll take you in right away. Slight moment of fear and the thought will I be able to see my husband so I can get a big hug before surgery? Once there, the nurse told me almost right away, they are ready for you in surgery. That was about 45 minutes ahead of time. I asked her if I could go back out after for a few hugs… she told me if there’s time you’ll be able to. They had me change in a hospital gown, a specially designed hospital gown called Bair Paws. It had openings in it that looked like a central-vacuum opening in a wall. The nurse said that they would be putting warm air through those openings once I would be in surgery, and apparently that helps the patient lose less blood, and also keeps their body warm and helps prevent infections. I liked that my body would be kept warm. I’m often cold, regardless of the season. Warmth is what I like and for me to have that option during surgery brought me comfort.

I did get to go back out to get a few big hugs before surgery, and was really happy about that and with that I was merrily on my way. I was still able to laugh at that point. I was still laughing and feeling incredibly joyful and happy as I walked back to my bed with a hop and a skip almost, waiting to get wheeled into surgery. I was ready.

At one point I overheard the nurse talk to a mother who had accompanied her adult daughter who had special needs. The daughter was going in for surgery also. I overheard the nurse ask the mother how old her daughter was… 59 years old she responded. My heart sunk and I felt sad for a moment. This mother still caring for her 59-year-old daughter. I was trying to do the math in my head to see how old that would make the mother… then I remembered to add just a few years to my age, and then add a few to my own mother’s age and this is probably how old this mother was if not even older. Then my head began fabricating stories… would I have to care for my son, my children till I was that old too? How did this mother do it for this long? Was that the real reality for a lot of elderly parents out there, still caring for their children’s needs on a daily basis? That was distracting, even a bit disturbing for those few minutes to be thinking about all this. Then I chose to let that go and trust that God has a plan for each of us and it may not look anything like what I was beginning to imagine in my head. The energy shifted back to where I was almost as fast as those images and story had come in.

Then as I waited quietly to be wheeled into surgery… I wasn’t focused on cancer. I wasn’t focused on fear. I wasn’t focused on my kids. I wasn’t focused on my husband’s cheek swelling. I wasn’t focused on anything or anyone other than the energy I was feeling inside my body. I felt so held. I felt so safe. I felt so ready. Unlike anything else I had ever had to decide and be ready for that was huge in my life. I talked to God as I waited. I thanked Him for bringing me this far, this fast, in such a calm and happy state. I thanked Him for the work He was about to do along with the surgical and medical team to remove the cancer from my body. I thanked Him for healing me of this cancer. I thought of everyone that I knew was praying for me. I thanked you for helping bring me to this moment in complete peace and reassurance that all was fine and really going to be ok. It was the best thing to be so at peace and be able to pray like I did in those few minutes where I was left alone.

The anesthesiologist came to see me and ask a few questions. He was so serious, he wouldn’t crack a smile at all. Then the surgeon came and she was pretty serious too. I had to trust that they were serious for a good reason, they had to be in this place to do a good job with me in a few minutes.

My hospital-bed driver came around to get me. I wasn’t thinking of much at that point. I was ready. He left me near a nurse’s station for several minutes before they wheeled me in. As I was wheeled in, I asked the anesthesiologist are you sure you are not taking me to the morgue? It’s so cold in here. At that point he couldn’t help but crack a smile and even laugh a little. In the past, I probably would have been just as serious as the anesthesiologist, but not that day I felt like a different person able to joke.

As the surgical team prepared to start, the nurse told me they would all introduce themselves and talk a little about the procedure I was about to undergo. They double checked with me to make sure that indeed I was getting a lumpectomy and a few lymph nodes removed. Then I knew the time was coming closer. The anesthesiologist asked me to think of a special place I wanted to visit while I would be asleep. I told him I love the ocean, but that day felt that the ocean was too rough, I needed something more gentle. I chose to drift off and go to a lake. He wanted to know which lake. I couldn’t think of any name… so I told him not sure which lake I’d like to go to, but I ask that you don’t give me a one-way ticket… I’m counting on you to bring me back! He smiled and reassured me that I’d be coming back. With that he explained to me he’d be putting some meds into my IV to help me drift off and that it would sting as it got pushed in. They started with putting the big mask over my nose, and having me breathe deeply into that for a few breaths… then a smaller mask was put on. I knew then ok this is it… off I go to the lake, as I felt the sting, burning sensation going through the IV into my hand, and with a facial expression of oh that doesn’t feel so great, off I went to sleep, to be by the lake.

That same evening, the day of my surgery, I shared this…

I could not have predicted that I would have been brought to this day… this cancer surgery… in this way. I felt incredibly lifted up in prayers, it was unbelievable. At one point I said, I wish that every person on this earth that has a need regardless of what that might be, that they feel as supported and as lifted as I have been. What a blessing this was for me to experience surgery from breast cancer the way I did!!

Since my surgery it’s been going extremely well. Most of the time I don’t really feel like I’ve had surgery at all. Other than a few little hiccups, one with a bit of a reaction to the medication which I only took a few times. Then a bit of swelling and discomfort that led to a small lump in my armpit, a common thing when the fluids don’t know how to reroute when a few lymph nodes get removed. This will resolve with time. I had massage and some very light cupping done last week which was really helpful. My exercise program for recovery after surgery is going extremely well, the only exercise which was a little harder was the snow angel movement… but now I am able to do that exercise just like I did last winter in my back yard. 🙂

Otherwise, I feel like a brand-new person since before surgery. I’m in such a positive place most of the time.

Recently I listened to most of the documentary series on The Truth About Cancer. So much of what they shared in their series resonated with me.

My next step will be for me to go see the surgeon and get the pathology results. I’m feeling totally at peace with this. I’m going to listen to what she will have to say, and the same with the oncologist once I get referred to that person. Then I want to come back and filter that information through my belief system and my body, and see how it all sits with me. My answers will need to come from within.

Just so you know, I probably won’t be revealing the pathology results. And I ask please don’t go asking me what are they going to do with me; or what stage is the cancer; what treatments are they going to be giving you. Those are very triggering questions for me. I need to be in my bubble for a while, as I go through this next step. I need space so I can connect with my inner wisdom and the voice that’s inside of me… as I find what my own “healing” answers are that will sit right with me, not just what the doctors are telling me, or what advice everyone else might want to give me as good intentioned as they are. I don’t want to go there. I know that you may have your own fears come up as you see me having to go through this, but just know that it’ll be ok. You need to take care of you… and I need to take care of me. I ask that you trust that I will make the best decision that I need to make for myself and my complete healing. As much as I feel at peace now, I know that fears are probably going to surface and self-doubts may try to settle in. This is why I need this quiet time to myself for a while as I filter out what doesn’t apply to me so I can find without a doubt what I need to bring the most complete healing to my body, mind and spirit.

Thank you to those of you that continue to keep me in their prayers!! I’m so grateful to each of you.

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Comments

  1. Surrounding you with love and bright blessings Suzanne. What a beautiful supportive space you’ve created for this journey.
    Deborah Weber recently posted..Looking InwardMy Profile

  2. Dawn Conery says:

    Suzanne, the sweetness of your soul, spirit and faith speak to me deeply. I am so excited to see the thoughtful path you and God put together. Your bravery and peace remind me to face my own challenges as you have. It seems your darkest moments have been turned into some of the brightest moments, how awesome. You teach me. Huggs Friend. And I hope hubby is ok now <3

  3. Wonderful news!!! I am overjoyed that you felt such warmth from so many of us. That just fills me with hope that all the good energy really is reaching those we send it toward. I know you are doing just what you need for your personal healing journey and I wish you the absolute best.
    Naomi recently posted..The 7 sacred truthsMy Profile

  4. Mary Dowdy says:

    My prayers and the prayers of Most Holy Trinity Church in Hohenwald, TN are still going out for you my beautiful cousin. I love you

  5. It’s all good, Suzanne. All good. Continued prayers and blessings <3 xoxoxo

  6. Hugs, love, and prayers, always. And may the pure light within you continue to guide you. xo

  7. So beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending you much love and healing thoughts keeping your vibration high!
    Elda recently posted..Why Bother Addressing EstrangementMy Profile

  8. I have been sending you a kind of Love Cushion to surround you and keep you calm and peaceful. I’m sure everyone has been doing the same just slightly different. I’m so thankful for your sharing, so we can frame our visions accordingly. Blessed be my friend.
    kimberly recently posted..Day 64 – Honoring Those Who Feed UsMy Profile

  9. I realize that each individual has their own path. I appreciate how positive and open you have been through this journey. I have tried so hard to be an encourager to my dad who was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma in the fall of 2011. His left kidney was removed, and he did not have chemotherapy until one year later when doctors were finally able to confirm nodules in his lungs were also renal cell carcinoma. My dad’s fear has been overwhelming, and despite excellent reports on his latest scans, he remains deeply depressed. His mind set is that he has cancer and that he is dying. I cannot bear to see how much he suffers because of his belief. I wish there was some way that ALL cancer patients could receive mental health care as well as medical care. Because of where he lives and his dependence on the Veteran’s Administration, he only gets basic care.

    Thank you Suzanne for sharing your journey because it offers so much hope to so many.

    • Oh Diane, I’m so sorry that you are going through so much with witnessing your father’s challenging journey through cancer. Blessings to both of you. Thank you for sharing. xo

  10. Gabriella says:

    How did I miss this post? Thank you for continuously sharing the beauty of what’s going on with you right now. I have never read such peace coming from a person before. Thank you.

    • Gabriella, I pray that this peace will now carry me through a second upcoming surgery in a week. It was very dreamlike to have been able to be in this place of incredible peace and calm. Thank you!! xo

  11. Blessings to each of you for dropping by to leave a message. This truly warms my heart. I feel so incredibly supported and loved. xo

Trackbacks

  1. […] felt really positive and upbeat about everything since before surgery even. I believed that the surgeon would explain the results and that the next step would be to send […]

  2. […] Wednesday’s surgery pretty much went exactly like it did two months earlier at my first surgery. The atmosphere in the day surgery unit, as peaceful and quiet as it was the first time. I truly […]

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