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Reaching for the light!! — suzanne-mcrae.com

Reaching for the light!!

the opening

Part of me wants to reach for the light.

I have been stuck in this

dark and painful place.

Desiring to unfold into a more authentic and real me.

It always feels like its not quite the right time

so I sit and wait

not always so patiently.

It is dark, gloomy and lonely in this space

it feels like there is no end in sight.

Almost like a painful death

make losing hope all too easy.

Trusting is what I have had to learn to do.

Maybe all is unfolding as it needs to

according to someone’s plan.

Possibly God’s plan for me?

It feels like I have been kept safe

yet it has been so painful

in this tight cocoon.

Squeezing me so tight

that I could see no light.

Maybe this discomfort was needed

until the ripe time would come

showing me when I was ready to begin to emerge.

This morning I am shown

that it is time to open the gate and stand in the gap

but how do I step out of where I have been

and stand in the gap?

It all sounds easy

maybe it is

and maybe its not.

For today I will trust

not fully knowing if its the right time

or not for me to come out.

I will try standing in the gap.

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  1. Do you know how butterflies need to struggle mightily to emerge from their chrysalis in order to pump fluid from their swollen abdomens into their wings so they can extend and fly? That fact has stuck with me.
    It is SO hard to be in limbo and unsure, even harder than hurting I think sometimes.
    Lovely poem.
    Full Spectrum Mama recently posted..“HURTASELF AGAIN!”My Profile

  2. Knowing the feeling of the pain of being in the ‘dark night of the soul’ very well, I hear and I empathize with yours. No one knows how long it takes, but some bright sunny morning the pain will ease and the rest of your journey will take on new meaning. The old beliefs will finally fall away completely and the new old you will emerge just the way you have always dreamed you would do some day, because you have wanted that to happen so badly.
    Thank you for sharing that wonderful poem!

  3. Lovely photo, gorgeous post. There is much waiting for you in that gap. Unfold gently in your own time with open heart takes lots of trust but is so so worth it. 🙂

  4. Jo Freeman says:

    Hi Suzanne,
    Your words spoke deeply to my fragile soul. I too am in a ‘dark night if the soul’ season. Struggling so much. I haven’t even been able to put into words how I am. However your words have done that. Your words have put words to my heart and I am grateful. Thank you.
    I also gain encouragement from knowing I am not alone on this journey and reading the comments from others also brings a peace of some sort. Love the image too. Keeping you in my thoughts.
    Jo xx

    • Jo, I wish for you to have a gentler transformative time, as you find your way through and out of the dark night of the soul as well. Glad that my post spoke to you. Thank you for dropping by and leaving a comment. 🙂 Blessings!! xo

  5. Dearest Suzanne,
    What a beautiful, true poem. Yes, please stand in the gap. As far as I can tell that’s the space where, instead of reaching for the light, we are simply willing to let it shine on us. It doesn’t eliminate the darkness but it slowly increases our awareness of all this is good.

    Here’s one of my favorite quotes: “To one who waits, all things reveal themselves, so long as you have the courage not to deny in the darkness what you have seen in the light.” Coventry Patmore

    • In reading your message Maryse I was able to visualize allowing the sun to shine on me, helping me get stronger and unfolding exactly as I need to. Lovely quote. Thank you for sharing it. I had never heard of it before now. xo

  6. Oh, this place of darkness. Been here before — many a time.

    I am learning more and more that every time I go there, I evolve with something I have learned about myself. Some part of me heals. Something treasured really does emerge. Knowing this now, it makes the darkness not seem quite so dreaded. I now fancy up my comforting bed, stock up on tea, and take a couple of sick days to retreat and write to hear what it is I’m supposed to learn.

    I’m hoping you are finding solace in this place, Suzanne.
    Loving thoughts,
    Shari 🙂

  7. What a lovely and touching blog post Suzanne. And amazingly paired with your beautiful photo. You can almost feel the struggle of those petals to open , to let the tightness of that squeezing sensation be gone. To feel the relief of the suns full strength warming it and ripening it. How wonderful. And yes, ‘ open the gate’, put one foot in front of the other. There is a field of poppies waiting for you to feast your eyes upon. You have made your first step by sharing this here. Holding space for you as you take your next step. XX

    • Yes it feels like I’m unfolding like the flower in my post. The flower looks so tightly weaved and placed neatly and intricately, perfectly inside that dark place just like I feel for myself. Can’t wait to see the field of poppies around me. 🙂 Thank you lovely friend. xo

  8. Welcome! I think you just opened the gate. Enjoy the freshness, the light and the gentle space around you.
    Linda Watson recently posted..Blood Moon MemoriesMy Profile

  9. I feel like you wrote this just for me. Thank you.
    Harmony Harrison recently posted..Courage! Coming Soon to a Blog Near You!My Profile

    • Aw, so glad Harmony it resonated. I read some of your posts recently, I feel that I understand why you say I might have written this for you. We are in a similar place with lots going on in our lives. Much love to you. xo

  10. Beautiful and thoughtfully soul searching post and poem. This year has been a tough one – but I am allowing the crispness and color of fall to inspire me and awaken me again! Beautiful image too –

  11. Suzanne, it has been a long time since I’ve visited your blog. It’s so beautiful. And here I am receiving the gift of your poem. Like others here, I also know this dark place. And I know the gap, which I practice being with everyday when I meditate. It takes such diligent practice. But the reward is worth it: as Leonard Cohen says, “It only takes a crack of light to illumine darkness.”

  12. How moving! That first step always seems to be the hardest. I remember doing a challenge course last year—half ways through we were standing on a 30 foot high platform, and had to grab a rope, swing across a huge open expanse and grab onto a big net, scale to the top and over to another wooden platform 30 feet high,. Not completing this exercise meant not being able to do the big zip line at the end, and OH how I wanted to do the zip line! Although I had a harness on that would completely save me from crashing to the ground, I simply could not, I mean COULD NOT take that first step……for what seemed like hours…..and then finally I gave in to the idea of “what’s the worst thing that could happen?” and took that stellar leap off the board, swinging across to the net and I grabbed that with all my might to hang on and start climbing–as if there was no safety harness, and I got up to that platform in record time. Seems like once you take that first step into the gap, you’ve committed to unleash your passion and drive….fear is just an opportunity to empower.
    PR Brady recently posted..Field CrawlMy Profile

    • What a beautiful example of taking the first step. Thank you PR Brady for sharing with us how your first step was the hardest in your circumstance. I admire your courage. 🙂

  13. Suzanne, Thank you for your authentic sharing. I have been there, too.

    I have 2 kind of related/unrelated thoughts: 1. I think it was last year you mentioned the # of your year & what that meant (a lot of inward work if I remember correctly). I’m wondering what # you have coming up & what that means. 2. Every time I see your lovely photo in this post (poppy blossom opening?) I think it is Kermit the Frog! Any frog totems in your life? Blessings!
    Janet recently posted..From Mountains to MolehillsMy Profile

    • Hi Janet, last year (2013) I was in a #7 personal numerology year all about the journey inward, solitude and quietness. This year I have not even been able to put into words yet, other than its felt like an extension of last year that seem to rock my world in so many ways. What is coming up though for 2015 is my personal #9 numerology year which is the end of a 9 year cycle in numerology. According to Christine DeLorey it’s all about endings, completions, reaching conclusions, tie up loose ends… I also see it as de-cluttering and down-sizing where needed. All about letting go of what’s not wanted in the the brand-new chunk of time (another 9 year cycle) that will begin for me in 2016. I love Christine DeLorey’s Creative Numerology work. I’m not the expert by far about numerology, but she would be. Check out Christine’s work here

  14. What a beautiful post. Astrologically speaking….this is supposed to be a year of new beginnings for me. I think I’m ready……just like that little train I remember from my youth….”I think I can…..I think I can……” puff, puff as it pulled itself to the mountain top…..

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