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Where are you? — suzanne-mcrae.com

Where are you?

I haven’t blogged in almost two and a half weeks, so I thought I’d drop by to say hello. As I tried to come up with a title for my blog post, the title of the song Where are you? came to mind. It’s a song that our son likes to listen to on YouTube, he loves laughing and singing along. You can see it performed here in Spamelot.

Where have I been? Not far, but yet far away from writing it seems and surprisingly I have been mostly ok with that. It feels like I’m on a little sabbatical leave these days. I’m giving myself permission to do more of what really pleases me and I’m choosing to ignore the should’s in life as much as possible, and that feels really good. It’s been huge for me to hit the pause button on something that is so important to me as writing/blogging. Even the stats on my blog, the amount of views I have had these past 3 months has gone down. But I know that when the time is right, I will be blogging again and the stats will go back up however they are meant to. If you would have told me not that long ago to let go of checking my stats every single day, sometimes many times a day, I probably would have found a way to check them without being caught. I was unable to let go. All the should’s and the need to’s also fell in that group that I had to keep doing, simply because I felt that I had to.

I have experienced so much freedom in detaching and letting go not only from stats, but from all that I think that I need to be doing, and so many of the should’s I saw in my life. It wasn’t easy for me to get to this point, to be able to do this more easily. Control freaks can have a really hard time with letting go, and that was me. I feel more alive when I do the things that matter most to me in the moment, that I feel drawn to do. I find myself more able to listen to my inner voice, the intuition that is ready to guide me every step of the way. These days I find myself waking up and being very grateful to be living my life with less should’s or have to’s and more what am I guided to do now? What do I wish to do in this moment? Try it and let me know how you do with this yourself.

Spring has brought me more out to work in my flower gardens. I have created a few extra gardens at home, simply because I felt like it this year. Part of me had to trust this little voice because what I already had, was a lot of work. Gardening was becoming a chore, I didn’t feel very inspired and would often dread all this extra work every spring. This year, I spent days digging in the soil, planting new shrubs and perennials, and watering and planting the seeds and plants in my vegetable gardens and found myself actually really enjoying it. Planning and planting two new flower gardens with my daughter was a lot of fun. We created in the soil like we would have on a canvas, except the completed masterpiece won’t be revealed for a little while until it grows and blooms. It was fun doing this part together.

flower gardens

As I worked in my flower gardens, I would give myself breaks. I’d grab my camera, I felt inspired to take photographs of what was growing and blooming in our yard. I was reminded that I seemed so much happier and relaxed this year when I was in my gardens working. Switching my mind-set from I should go and work in my flower gardens … I have all this or that to do … to instead beginning to see it completely different and wanting to create more beauty in our yard for our family, even for passerby’s and the neighbours, a place to go relax, be still and feel inspired. It was so much more rewarding to think this way from this place in my heart as opposed to seeing it as a huge chore that had to be done.

quote Orison Swett Marden

I have a dream of us building a pergola one day in the future. For now I dream of how I would like it to look and maybe, just maybe it will get built there beside what I have already created with the gardens. It’s a dream, for now!

Image from: https://www.facebook.com/WithaView

Image from: https://www.facebook.com/WithaView

Lately I find myself moving at one speed, that of the turtle. Slow and steady. No rushing. When I compare it to the last year when it was full-speed ahead, what a difference. Being blessed with turtle medicine or turtle animal totem as I call it this year, it is teaching me to trust that going slowly is what I need right now. It is teaching me patience. I sense that things are changing below the surface even though I feel like I am not doing as much. I have been going through some continued healing since this winter with Heilkunst treatments, at times painful. That is well on its way of me having worked through most of it. I attribute a big part of that healing to the things that I am able to let go of with greater ease and connecting with what is most important in this moment. I am taking a break right now from Heilkunst. I am giving myself the space to breathe a little and see the changes and how it’s influenced the growth in my life. I have taken a huge step forward I feel.

I have gone over some of the lessons from earlier this year from my intuitive painting eCourse with Flora Bowley and have created time to paint. I finally finished my first big painting (40”x30”), if you haven’t seen it you can check it out here if you’d like. I’m still very much in awe at this new passion that I have discovered through intuitive painting. I almost cannot believe how much it’s nourishing me to be playing with colours on canvas. I  have fun when I paint, and that is so important for me to have more fun in my life. This is my way of doing it.

Bloom True Intuitive Painting

This is my #7 personal numerology year, a time of solitude. When I wrote about it earlier this year, instead of choosing a word for which to live my life this year, I decided to choose the significance that the #7 in numerology talked about. You can find some information about numerology on this blog. I have other posts that I wrote also about my #7 numerology year. The last several years I had only chosen a word to work with. For me to have done it this way this year has brought a greater understanding of this part of my journey, and where I am standing energetically in 2013. It’s helped me gain a greater understanding of why I have slowed right down to turtle speed. Had I not known about this information I would have been very resistant and fought against the flow to do more, more and more. That’s just who I am. Instead, it’s been so much easier to allow myself to drop right into this energy and allow it shower me with exactly what I have needed this year.

Gardening, photography, reading, painting and going about life slowly is helping fill the well of my soul these days! -Suzanne McRae

My blogging will return even though it’s been quiet. There is no lack of ideas or topics that I wish to write about. I must admit that there have been a few doubts and those pesky little gremlin voices and fears have popped up lately about my writing, attempting to create havoc for me and discourage me from doing it. I decided that I’m not going to allow them to run my show. For now I give myself permission and freedom to blog when I truly wish and to be silent when it’s just not there.

I am truly enjoying going with the flow and the rhythm of what feels right in every moment these days. Allowing myself to remain open and to trust that this space I feel will create the expansion I need to help me move more naturally into what the next step that feels right and maybe even be able to create bigger and better things for myself. Who knows where it will lead to, but I’m having fun in the meantime and that’s all that really matters.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this. In what ways are you creating the life you desire?

Have a fun and safe summer!!

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  1. It’s good to take care of YOU, too, my creative friend. 🙂
    Robin Heim recently posted..Sweet Home DetroitMy Profile

  2. Yes, my friend, the freedom to let go of the shoulds and answer the promptings of our soul. I’m with you all the way. Lovely gardens and dream pergola! I can’t believe you mentioned the turtle. I have turtle earrings and a porcelain turtle on my bedside table that remind me to go at it slowly but surely. Have a blessed summer! ♥
    Maryse recently posted..Sacred QuestionsMy Profile

  3. I hear you loud and clear, Suzanne. We impose so many ‘to dos’ on ourselves we end up forgetting all about ‘to be’. Forget about the guilt and enjoy the time you take for yourself. xo
    Susan recently posted..Painting by Da RulzMy Profile

  4. I totally understand this wanting to pull back and just enjoy life. As for those stats, I know what it is to keep checking them, but where does it take you? Only to more stress, in my opinion.

    I love blogging and connecting with others through this medium, but I love it even more when I feel good about me, about my decisions to be real and true to myself. That means I may post less often, but it is much more heartfelt and honest. Strangely, so many of my online blogging friends have been doing this same thing, backing up and rethinking how they blog.

    I really think the Universe is telling us there is something here to think about.

    Meanwhile, I love coming here and reading what you have to share. I’ll look forward to more…whenever you are ready. <3

  5. Thank you for the catch-up and the lovely reminder that I often need, that taking a break is sometimes the very best medicine! You are a wonderful person and keep listening to your inner guidance! You know best and always will 🙂 Much love! Blair 🙂
    blair shackle recently posted..Your weekly angel card reading: June 24 – 30My Profile

  6. What a beautiful catch up post Suzaane. I so celebrate how you’re honoring your guidance and wisdom as this year unfolds. And how lovely about your gardens and your painting. May summer bring you many blessings of serenity.

  7. Suzanne, what a lovely blog! I, too, have brought in turtle medicine to help me meditate on where my life is going! When I call in Reiki, turtle helps me to ground. For me that means the slowing down = grounding.
    Being a Renaissance woman as you are, calling in turtle was probably a natural next step for you! 🙂
    Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful photography and your altered lifestyle. It has such a calming effect! Awesome!
    Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!

  8. Hey Suzanne! I can so relate to the checking the stats constantly! lol! I would so love to back away from facebook and the social media stuff. It isn’t really me. I’m quiet and pretty much a loner! That’s how I write and create. Yet, “everyone” says I have to do all of this social media stuff to get a following etc. Geez! I admire you for just backing away and taking the time to just “BE”! Beautiful Suzanne! Wish I could give you a BIG HUG! love you…Belinda
    Belinda Rose recently posted..Loving the Child WithinMy Profile

  9. Thanks Suzanne! For every woman who speaks her truth, the rest of us feel more able to stand in our own. Your words remind me again how important it is to enjoy the journey and the little things along the way, and to not get so caught up in measuring and counting and comparing. Letting the heart lead rather than the mind opens the flow for more harmony with the day-to-day details. Gardening is so rejuvenating! Working with one’s hands brings us down from the clouds and helps us literally ground ourselves. Trust the process, Suzanne, and it will never let you down!

  10. Enjoy your summer, take time to smell the flowers, rest, rejuvenate and live life to the full however that is for you. None of us is saying “should”, but we are here waiting whenever you return. We are not stats, we are real people just like you, understanding that whilst this modern world brings many of us together across the globe in ways not available before, we are all still human, evolving at a much slower pace, living lives that bring meaning, pleasure and joy.
    suzi recently posted..My 100th blog post!My Profile

  11. I love the concept of hitting the pause button! I pushed it awhile back and have thoroughly enjoyed pulling weeds and taking looooong breaks under the backyard canopy just to read. I’ve tried my hand !! at pen and ink drawings. This was something I have wanted to do but never seemed to have the time! Let’s enjoy our time together….in two countries!

    I think of you everyday in my classroom. My very special autistic little friend has been quite calm lately. She is happy! And I am happy!
    Ruth Packard recently posted..They Notice Everything!My Profile

  12. Suzanne, I loved catching up with you here! So happy for you that you are slowing down to reflect and renew. Thank you for the lovely update full of ideas.
    Naomi recently posted..Behind the Art and an offer for youMy Profile

  13. Thank you everyone. I truly appreciated each of your comments. It makes me feel less alone as I see others reflecting and choosing to change to what works for them in the moment. Blessings to each of you for sharing and finding that perfect balance in your life! xo

  14. What a wonderful nourishing post. It is as if with your description we can read and take a breath and say okay… I can go at a more comfortable pace too! I love your photographs, your gardens look lovely and must be wonderful to experience in person. Have a wonderful summer Suzanne!

  15. Thank you Karrlin. So glad that you enjoyed my post. Enjoy your summer also Karrlin. xo

  16. Welcome back, Suzanne.

    I took some time off too, and as I was posting my stuff out on MB forum I had to laugh as I thought of you and your long hiatus. You inspired me. You continue to inspire me. Hawaii was fun. That kind of “island life” really slows you down and now my husband and I are dreaming of finding our spot in the sun to retire someday. Something to look forward to! “Mahalo” is thank you in Hawaiian. Mahalo.
    Amy Putkonen recently posted..Accessing Your Creative PowerMy Profile

    • So glad that you got to slow down and enjoy Hawaii. What a beautiful treat to go there I’m sure. I can see that you are planting your seeds already for retirement one day. 🙂 I’m also very happy to hear that my slowing down has inspired you in some way. 🙂

  17. Hi Suzanne, these words really spoke to my heart and it is so timely that I read them today. I am on a similar journey and struggling at times however I feel less alone and afraid when I hear another’s heart, such as yourself. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Jo xx

    • Hi Jo, I’m so delighted that you have dropped by to read exactly what you needed. It’s not easy at times, is it. But somehow we manage to find our way, each one of us. Wishing you a lighter journey. xo

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