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What followed after I became a Karuna Reiki Master... — suzanne-mcrae.com

What followed after I became a Karuna Reiki Master…

Turn the clock back to almost a year ago… this deep stirring within me was going on. I was about to finish a year-long of self-healing and further studies that was part of my Karuna Reiki Master studies program with my latest Reiki teacher. After several years of what I call intense self-growth, transformation and studies into Reiki and many other things I felt at a lost wondering what I supposed to do with all that I had learned and experienced since that time of choosing this spiritual journey.

Many long discussions followed on those hot summer evenings last July with my daughter… who’s a wise-old-soul… she helped me get through some tough times and guided me in a direction that would help me.

As I questioned life I knew that surely this couldn’t be all there was for me… having taken all these classes and gone through all that transformation and then nothing? I always felt that as I was taking Reiki classes for several years that I would be teaching it one day. But as I was ready to finish my Karuna Reiki Master program that little voice within me was silent, there was no more talk of me teaching. It made no sense. It had all disappeared into thin air. I was so sure that I was going to teach. Why would I be guided to do all this and then all this confusion with no clear answers about what was next for me?

Turn the clock back even further… 20+ years ago… circumstances happened in our life and I decided to become a stay-at-home Mom to care for our daughter at the time when she was less than a year old. Within that next year came our second child, our son who later would be diagnosed with autism. I loved being a stay-at-home Mom… but I sometimes wished I could have contributed financially for my family and not just put all that responsibility on my husband to earn an income to support us all those years. One day I made the mistake to sit down and calculate how much money I could have earned in a 20+ career if I had worked outside the home. BIG MISTAKE. All that did was de-value my self-worth and that of me raising our children and giving our son a better start in life had I not been there to do all that I did… and that’s not forgetting how much I was able to do for our daughter also during that time.

I had lots of internal turmoil last summer going on, what did I want to be when I grew up? I figured I better hurry up, I was probably already past the deadline to figure that one out. I had asked myself that same question for years… along with a friend of mine every time we’d meet up we’d jokingly ask one another what we wanted to do when we grew up… of course even though we had hit the 50 mark by then we still didn’t really know what the answer was. I was starting to feel that I might never get another chance in this lifetime to do something for me. Even though I had secretly decided when I was going through Reiki all these last years that this was my lifetime to shine my light, heal what felt broken or what was in darkness, learn my lessons in life… and somehow surely I would be sharing about my life experiences and what I had learned, there just had to be a way. I just couldn’t figure it out on my own. I had no clue how it could even be possible especially now that our son with special needs was out of school permanently and he needed me to figure things out for him… how could I do something for me while I still had his needs to care for and figure out the rest of his life (or so I thought this is what I had to do). That alone felt like an unimaginable challenge that lay ahead for me to figure out… it felt like another mountain to climb just to try and see what might be there for him on the other side of what we knew life to be like when he was in school. Heck I couldn’t figure out my future let alone his. I needed to do some serious surrendering right then and there. I had to learn to trust there was a bigger meaning to all of what I was going through.

I had my daughter to coach me last summer with her wisdom and my husband to pick me up in broken pieces it seemed… he’s also a Karuna Reiki Master and his part-time job last summer was doing Reiki for me quite often… this helped guide me to do what I did next and little did I know that my journey would ever take that direction… it never crossed my mind I would do just that.

Last August I signed up for private career coaching sessions with Michelle Ward of When I Grow Up Coach. Ironic that what I had said all those years, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up… and I was led to a coach who’s business had that exact name. No coincidence.

My daughter was just finishing up her own group coaching with Michelle and it was transforming her life and giving her clearer direction on her journey and helping her piece her career together. She truly believed that this would give me the key I was looking for also. I trusted her even though I wasn’t sure. I had to laugh at the vision that I would probably be Michelle’s oldest client ever to be coached by her. After all aren’t most people in their early-to-mid-50’s ready to retire and enjoy life… and yet here I was looking to start something with my life.

From mid-September to just a few days before Christmas of last year I went on what felt like a roller-coaster-ride through every aspect of my being. I went through all the nooks and crannies within me that had cobwebs and put a flashlight there to see what was behind those cobwebs… I found the strong desires within that I didn’t know still existed and that felt so important to me… I did a big fall clean-up job for my soul… I experienced a lot of soul-searching and started uncovering what I was passionate about… what my gifts and talents were… and what brought me the most joy into my life that I could do something with… I explored many possibilities for myself and did a bit of test-driving while I had the support during those coaching months… I asked family and friends what my qualities, gifts and talents might be and so many things surprised me… I stated feeling a sense of hope for me to actually be able to do something. A few things kept coming back up for me during that time and one was writing/sharing and the other was creativity. That one surprised me I thought for sure that this had all died in me years ago and it would never come back. I had been busy raising our kids and I had put so much aside for most of those years and forgotten about myself and what made me come alive… but I was finding it again one piece at a time.

During my coaching time I discovered just how important being a wife and a mother meant to me… family is everything to me and is extremely important. I simply needed to reclaim the other parts of myself while learning to balance my family’s needs and the everyday stuff while taking the time I needed to create what I wanted next in my life so that the vision of a wilted flower (me) could continue awakening and come back to life.

2012 came around and that is exactly what I started doing, putting into place all the things that are helping empower me in a way that I have never experienced in my entire life probably. I often wonder if it’s possible at the age I’m at and feeling so alive and so good doing something as simple as writing, having my website/blog… as well as my own Etsy shop… being able to share about everything that has been so important to me as well as my gifts and talents. I have no doubt that both will evolve and grow more as time goes on… one step at a time. I’ve never been so proud of myself… I did it! I accomplished some things that I could only dream of before… but then again that’s how things manifest in our lives when we dream of having them already, right!

If you feel that you have the desire for something more, something different in your life… and you don’t know what it might be or how to go about getting it… check out Michelle Ward’s website for her resources and services … or even better yet enter her 4th Annual When I Grow Up Coach Scholarship for a chance to win what I had the opportunity to do for myself last year and more prizes that she’ll be giving to 4 very lucky winners… this will transform your life into something you might not even have imagined yet. Be sure to check the deadline that is coming very soon… enter!

A year ago, I was not looking for a career… I was not looking for a job… and I certainly was not looking for work when I signed up for coaching sessions. Those were words I didn’t resonate with and I wanted nothing that looked like any of that. I didn’t know how that would work out, after all Michelle was a career coach and don’t career coaches help you find a career? My daughter reassured me that Michelle wasn’t going to make me do anything I didn’t want to, instead she would gently help me see what I did want out of life and find a way to make it happen. Today I am creating the life I want and I have been in complete awe at how possible it all has been… even with the responsibilities at home… I can have it all.

Enjoy your journey… live your life to the fullest. You are worth it!

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  1. Gabriella says:

    I loved reading how you blossomed from confusion to action. Michelle really is amazing for that, but you have to take credit for taking that first scary step! * Standing ovation*

    • I agree that Michelle gets us moving towards taking action for what we want to accomplish in our life. Thank you for the ‘standing ovation Gabriella. 😉

  2. Thanks for sharing your journey over the last year! I am so excited for you!

    • Thank you Sarah it means a lot to me that you enjoyed reading about my journey. It’s so exciting isn’t it… as you well know yourself. 🙂

  3. Suzanne, thanks so much for sharing your story. It made me feel good to know that I am not the only “more mature” person here trying to find herself after providing many years to family needs. I always felt that there was something more bubbling inside of me and I’m still working on getting that all sorted out. I will definitely check out Michelle’s site, I’ve heard good things about her around town and I could use some coaching!!

    • Sue, here’s to us working on finding what is bubbling inside of us… I like that. 🙂
      Be sure to apply for Michelle’s Scholarship I think you have only a few days left to apply… otherwise do check out her website and services. She is amazing to work with. I did 12 weeks of private coaching and have been thrilled with what I got out of it. All the best to you.

      • I applied really quickly last night in a flurry. I figured, what the hay! Maybe I’ll get lucky. I pretty much said my life is almost over so I better get this thing figured out!! Ha! Maybe she’ll think it’s funny!

        • Good for you Sue. Also look at all her services she offers, there’s a wide range for everyone’s needs. You’re never to old. Good luck!

  4. Beautiful Suzanne! It really goes to show that no matter where you are in life or what you are going through, you can always go for your dreams! I’m so excited for you! Such an inspiration!

  5. A belated Thank You, Suzanne for this beautiful, honest, touching post…although I know you well enough to never expect anything less 🙂

    Working with you was wonderful for me, too! So glad your light/wisdom/creativity is now shining in the world…we deserve it, as do you.


    • Your words really touch me Michelle. Thank you for being the Shining Light that came into my life last year. Your coaching is what helped me start believing and taking steps towards my dreams and goals and to see that I could do it. Infinite gratitude to you! Suzanne xo

  6. Great article Reiki is very useful as a complementary treatment in therapeutic techniques. Thank you.


  1. […] growth on this healing journey that has led me to so much transformation in my life. Take a look here at how I helped create the bridge that was needed to bring together what I already knew, had […]

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